A-criticalness in one’s actions

For many years, and even in the continuing grips of existence, many times I feel the urge to make my intentions “explicit” to people for establishing the emphasis of pure action and honest point of view. It is also done, because feedbacks are taken personally and there seems to be a danger that if one doesn’t indicate one’s intention clear, it is subjected to multiple interpretations – finally leading to mistrust or suspicion. I have my own internal devils to manage – amongst them is this notion of self doubt. This self doubt tendency urges me to reconsider my actions multiple times and to ensure if I have been understood ‘correctly’ by people. It is difficult to ‘justify’ this tendency….a tendency that seems to compel some of my actions, or concerns or the knowledge that I seek to harness for pacifying this tendency. Over the years, with more knowledge, it should have pacified this urge and made me ‘sober’ – However it has remained the same and as I keep getting more knowledge, more doubts get generated!

Generally then, we are dealing with the nature of perception and conception – how one chooses to read the environment and respond subsequently. We have a whole lot of philosophy that tries to deal with this question of existence. The question is – what is that basic ‘trigger’ that your mind keeps generating, leading to a continuous series of thoughts and therefore action?

The trigger of self doubt used to compel me to be as explicit as possible. Previously I wasn’t, worrying that people won’t understand me (an assumption?) or they will misunderstand me (a perception?). One fine day, I decided to be explicit to the deepest core of my being – that too got subjected to a lot of debate and analysis by people….which again proved hurtful. I am beginning to understand what seems to be the issue – a ‘tendency’ can’t be completely expressed and neither is it the indicator of one’s being.  Tendencies may be favorable or unfavorable to the same person at different time and places. Your tendencies may be favorable or unfavorable to different people at the same moment of time. So the entire thing is relative. The idea of ‘proving’ one’s actions to everyone at all times appears burdensome and unnecessary  - since no amount of justification about one’s self is going to satisfy anyone (even yourself) at all times.

Hence, tendencies need to be managed. They mean that our mind is fluid, all dimensions of thoughts are possible and we remain bounded by the mind-body phenomenon. In this phenomenal world, we continuously react, respond, justify, analyze, debate, conclude and decide on the action. Justifying your identity or explicitness of your behavior cannot include the ‘complete’ nature of reality – a combination of phenomenon and the consciousness beyond place + time. The more we understand the relationship of the phenomenal world to the ‘world beyond’, our acceptance of the phenomenal world increases.

So, we choose to understand the nature of this world – which includes us. Understanding comes through perception and action. Certain conclusions may be formed such as –

1.       We will continue to ‘cling’ to this existence – and it will include a whole range of thoughts – good to evil. It is a matter of disciplining oneself that majority of the times, we remain anchored in good thoughts.

2.       What you see is only phenomenal. This phenomenal world is the gateway to the ‘beyond’. Hence, what ‘I’ am or what ‘you’ are – are mere phenomena.

3.       ‘Identification’ or clinging takes place in the phenomenal world. What we are subjected to – is this phenomenon. Why crib, why blame, why be angry and for what?

4.       Since we are compelled to identify with this world, we are bound to experience pain in moments of change/ crisis.

5.       Therefore, the motive of our action in this world ought to move our understanding towards – refinement, understanding this pattern of existence, and being stable under any phenomenal change.

6.       By this motive, we may remain a-critical of the phenomenon.