Aftermath of Trauma

There is a great learning lesson for those (me included) whose ‘plans’ in life do not seem to work at all despite whatever one’s intentions and whatever the efforts undertaken so far. It is a very painful experience to have, when confronted with the realization that ALL things done and assumed as per our capacity turned out worthless. And further painful is the realization that nothing can undo the present circumstance and nothing can stop things from happening to you. 

And in such traumatic situations, contemplating the end of the world, or the end of our selves as individuals, we are confronted with the following questions:

1.       Was ever the situation in our control – in past? If the present turned out to be completely different and shocking despite our logic, won’t the future turn out something way different from what we expect? So why should one ‘act’ or ‘plan’ anyway? Why should one be concerned about control?

2.       There is no point in assuming that the present situation would be better IF some crucial decisions were taken in the right way in the past – I no longer ascribe to this assumption of “cause” and “effect”. That is, some things will remain beyond one’s control/ imagination despite considering all causes and probable effects. In short, life is not maths. There is no point in blaming ourselves if life turned out not as per our expectations. In the same note, there is no point in taking credit for ourselves if things turned out as per what we expected. Blame or credit – is incidental or self created. What remains as a reality that we act and circumstances are to be faced – whatever they may be. It is an illusion to believe that all results are a product of thoughtful actions.

3.       In the same token, it is not worth to feel guilty or experience regret for past actions – you may have avoided some nasty things, but there would be other nasty things in store for you at present also! In other words, the “outside” situation presents itself depending on (and in response to) what you are thinking. A stage comes in life, when you give up the “aspect of thinking in order to control external events”. This kick starts the stage of understanding the mind at a greater level.

4.       The biggest thing to take notice of is our own mind. Perhaps, our mind means reality for us. If this is so, can there be any external thing more important than our mind? In other words, what defines the nature of external reality is dependent on the nature of our thoughts. Since thoughts change, are unstable, fluid – the external reality or the perception of life appears changing, fluid, uncontrollable.

5.       Pursuing any kind of a thought as well as suppressing any kind of a thought  - both stands are not necessary. Both create a reality, which is not perfect or can’t assure a blissful life. You entertain a thought – and it will lead to other thoughts and actions and circumstances. You suppress a thought and that will generate other thoughts that lead to some cycle of actions and circumstances. Thus, we can’t freeze actions and their consequences. So why be afraid?

6.       Things change. This is obvious, but we still insist in clinging to some thoughts, some events, some memories, some notions, some ideas, some people…..why do we do this? May be it is natural for a human to do so, but a better situation will be to “let go” of everything. Meaning, recognizing that thoughts are formed and they change…and this will continue forever as long as we exist.

7.       Traumatic events can really make you feel vulnerable, worthless, minuscule and many other things. This is the hardest phase of life. This is the phase that makes you aware of the need to trust the idea of ‘existence’ without doubting it or controlling it. You are reborn after this phase.

8.       It is very difficult to explain this state of mind to people around you – since they may not have encountered any of the grueling thoughts that you have. This can again create a sense of loneliness and frustration – that you are not able to connect with anyone around you or people do not seem to understand what you are feeling.

9.       Thus, point (8) leads you to one more quality that you must generate – forgiveness and compassion for yourself and people.

10.   In retrospect, one starts to express gratitude to God after all that has happened before and after all that you have changed. The lesson learnt was precious, though horrifying.

11.   Thus begins the journey of trust, faith and love.