Identity

This concept of ‘identity’ is more like a lifelong exercise….trying to decipher what constitutes ‘you’ or ‘me’ as a phenomenon.

Identity is a matter of discovery – no matter how many times it is said by Seers or mentioned in history, it remains a very personal (and lonely) journey to undertake. I think the popular discourse tries to connect ‘identity’ with ideas of accomplishment/ purpose/ vision/ progress/ expression and so on. This is part of the truth. And it is a limited understanding, since it assumes that “thought” is the basis of all actions, hence, we should have the ability and the capacity to accomplish anything, provided we plan accordingly. It displays a very “deterministic” approach regarding life. 

I realized that it is difficult to disapprove the above logic as long as “we” remain attached with our “thoughts”. That is  - “we” are what we seem to “think” – nothing less and nothing more. It either takes tremendous insight or a profound experience (such as trauma/ disillusionment with ourselves or enlightenment) to realize the very nature of thought and thereby its “control” on the idea of “me”. 

What I wish to say regarding “identity” is born out of my own personal experiences in life – 

 Identity is not a static thing – it is fluid – changing with time, the people with whom you interact and the places you have been, which means, one is “letting” people and places (external events) affect oneself and one is also allowing time (internal existential phenomenon) to affect oneself. Our thoughts, for most part of our lives, are influenced / informed/ projected by these factors. If we try to abstract all such factors, I arrive at two variables – position in space or place and moment in space or time. We are so intrinsically linked with these two variables that invariably it leads to the following behaviour in us – 

Fear – The idea of ‘place’ and ‘time’ is impermanent – both ideas (or phenomena) change –therefore our thoughts that are embedded in these phenomena keep changing and create turmoil. This causes the feeling of ‘fear’ – that ‘we’ (body + thought) may perish someday. We don’t know what is the beginning before ‘us’ or what will happen after ‘us’. Our thoughts can’t go beyond the constraints of body/ place and mind/time. Impermanence (which is again a kind of an idea/ thought) is at the core of fear.

Fear projects itself in a variety of ways onto everyday moments. Commonly it is perceived as an “attachment” (or the tendency to cling on) to a thought or an object or place or people. And herein, we are referring to smallest of thoughts to grossest to subtlest. We tend to cling. This is survival. And the entire sanctity of the meaning of our lives depends on this clinging phenomenon! As long as we continue to think, we create impressions within our minds and we recreate ourselves time and again.

This makes us realize, if we make an effort, that there is a complex web of interrelationship of circumstances (outside events) and our conscious/subconscious response. “Thoughts” signify a connection with the perceived world out there. The quality of this connection is the crux of our strength to control the inner turmoil.

Thus, we may then realize the need to exercise choice in making this connection or what kind of thoughts need to generate within us. Identifying or pursuing thoughts is not of any use neither is suppression of thoughts – because that will lead to some other kind of connections. 

The moment we are born, we are on our way to create a thought. From one thought, we quickly create many other thoughts (or attract other thoughts) that sustain us and eventually we label these recurring thoughts as our “identity”. 

What kind of thought “dawns” on us in the beginning? If we are able to understand this, would we solve the puzzle of our complex nature, since everything else is connected or perhaps the outcome or the effect of this single primary thought? This is a very difficult question. Maybe there is no answer to this, since there is no starting thought I guess. It may just be hanging there or suspended in space and out of nothing, it materializes in our mind! It is a phenomenon that gets played out, the moment any kind of life reboots. 

Thus, there is more to the idea of identity than we know. Being aware of such experiences makes one tolerant of other people’s fears, tendencies, behaviours, manners – since we can control ourselves only to some extent – what guarantee can we give of others? And just as we play out our insecurities onto the environment (without our conscious control), others are also playing out theirs – whether we realize it or not. 

Thus, why should we be angry with anything or on anybody? Why should we feel sad or jealous about anything? Once we begin to realize the notional behaviour of thoughts, the idea regarding “you” (or identity) having a finite place and time, starts to break free and we start to expand beyond.  

The “hold” of thoughts on us or the connections we generate with the world start to loose their grip and we begin to feel calm. This is liberation and this becomes the absolute definition of our true identity.