Pressure

Pressure – of existence. Pressure of Time. Pressure of movement, performance, evaluation, confirmation, denial, achievement, security, stability. Pressure to stay ahead, race ahead and to accomplish happiness – at all costs. For this, we have defined a funny concept for ourselves, called ’Purpose’. It is made to sound as the only valid definition for our identity, as if our entire identity can be stated as a mathematical formula that denotes some purpose…..eg Niranjan = Academician (or something to be put in that right hand corner of the equation). The ‘=’ sign can then keep expanding based on milestones such as Richard = Engineer + wife + 2 kids + bungalow + SUV + golf + Budweiser + etc. etc. Many times the image that crops in my mind is of an unstoppable Juggernaut character bashing anything that comes in between. 

Have all of us become Juggernauts? 

What is this blinding rage to just keep moving, going, and defining rigid parameters of existence? A pause is unthinkable; a reflection, a stare, a doodle, a scribble, is considered a sign of being aimless. Does it have to be so? More critical is the question of why do we behave in this way? Why can’t we just stop or at least pause for a while and prefer to do nothing but observe without any motive? Why should a motive or a purpose be defined for every action we choose to perform? This is tied to efficiency, planning, results, optimization, improvisation and speed of growth. And speed is tied to a belief in stability and happiness. I am not sure if this relation works. It might work quantitatively, but there is no guarantee regarding qualitative aspects of life under such compulsions to speed.

Fundamentally, a blinding speed may express an internal discomfort with Time. A discomfort in Time is an indication of non acceptance of Fear. The Fear is a result of our identification with mind-body existence. Thoughts are because of this identification of phenomenon of mind-body. Like all phenomena of manifestations, our mind-body will grow and dissolve or transform into something else. We have no control over its transformation or dissolution. We suffer in such pressure because we hope to control our thoughts – and we can’t do it completely. We want to feel something or achieve a particular state of mind at defined time frame – but that does not happen. We think our state of mind depends on outside circumstances of place and people and money and if we control those, we may become happy. Again, we are proved wrong. We hope to cling strongly to an idea which seems to work for us, however, any thought slips away and is replaced by some other thought. A thought, therefore, is never in isolation and is never static. This is a highly complex affair. Intellectually, we may be able to sense the fluidity of thoughts, but the Intellect is uncomfortable with any non static/ ambiguous things in life, hence the discomfort. 

Another cause for discomfort is not accepting the Unknown. The Unknown is present everywhere, at any scale, at any time and is also a part of you and me. It is spontaneous, unpredictable and beyond Time pressures. All ideas, thoughts, concerns, issues, manifestations, products, logic, art – all are a result of this Unknown. Does the Unknown require anything for survival? No. Does it require approval? No. Does it begin somewhere and have an end? No. Since this is what includes everything, we cannot hope to aim for any control over it and with that can’t expect any absolute stability for our lives. In other words, stability is not in the scope of the Intellect. Ambiguousness is required to be felt. The Unknown is required to be perceived, from which, the Intellect is contained. Time and its pressures are the making of our mind. Faster pace in life is no guarantee of peace of mind. Neither is fat bank balance or a wonderful spouse or close friends or anything which is connected with our experiences stemming from body and mind. Then why do we cling so much to these things? Why do they affect us so intimately? 

Are these experiences real or just in our minds? What is a mind? Are we dreaming, because we have a mind and which is also some temporary fleeting thing?! Thus, mind is a mysterious thing. From its boundaries, the expansiveness of the Unknown can be felt. Can we expand our constructed boundaries? Can we dismantle the boundaries? Can we let go? Can we become Space?