Questions

Each person is consumed by some thought or the other, by some question or the other. The question, according to me, is formed because of the nature of existence - a boundary created by body and mind. The boundary is the realization of incompleteness within us and the yearning for freedom (or the conflict between clinging and freedom). This is the force of creativity working through us. The question is also a result of impulse that we carry with us - the impulse because of this boundary - it may result in thoughts related to desires, or intellect or transcendence.

If i look back at myself, i continue to be consumed by the tendency of doubting a thought, because from the very beginning, I have realized the uneasiness and the immeasurable and the unquantifiable and the unpredictable space that lies beyond our thoughts. Thoughts represent only that can be manifested and we tend to be judged based on what has been manifested. Thus, is our evaluation correct? What is rejection? Who rejects? For what does a person reject? What is clinging? What governs our thoughts? What is perception? What generates fear? Why do we fear? What is to be controlled? What is time? What is mind?

Can I find answers to such questions by experiencing the world? Does the answer lie outside in a situation, person, thing or is it related to time? Does the answer lie inside? If yes, how is it to be found?

Why should I tread this path? Why should I justify? What is past, present and future? Should I be concerned by people? What is culture? What is religion, caste, colour, nation, language and the countless terms we continue to use without blinking an eye? What is change? Can 'I' change? Can people change?

Extremely stressful situations in life have forced me to a greater depth to think of above things. My tendency of doubting has compelled me to search for answers to above questions. Should I be grateful that such a tendency and situation has made me aware of so many things or should I be restless?

It is only in recent times by inputs of well wishers, some efforts on my part that the beginning of acceptance of this tendency has been initiated.

Some other realizations have been regarding that it is no use living like an island - it is much better to connect with people (because we have that capacity). It is no use to expect or take any credit whatsoever - just work with a free mind. It is no use of worrying - taking efforts is the only thing that should be done. It is no use to be angry or frustrated - for it just drains our focus on goodness.