'Me'

Today I have decided to state my positive points. I rarely state this, for I feel that character of the person should speak for itself – it’s not to be advertised.

I have come face to face with the primordial position of ‘Fear’ – that exists in every human being, but no one dares to face or challenge or even recognize for what It is and how It affects us. People go on some existential trip, choosing not to question this Fear or probably fooling themselves into believing that Fear need not be addressed at all – rarely realising that almost all of their actions have an undercurrent of Fear (greed/ attachment/ jealousy/ ego – all mean the same). This realization of Fear happened within me because retrospectively I can say, that I am highly introspective fellow and my inner world affects me tremendously. I can feel all kinds of nuances without anybody telling it or expressing it. In that way, my imagination power knows no bounds. I am intuitive and can make out the intention behind a person’s actions, regardless of what he/she may claim or do or show or express outwardly. This deep rooted intention is hard to verbalize, but it should be felt – and I feel it within a few minutes that I am conversing with a person. This hints to me – how reliable is a person’s character. Honest people, sincere people, simple and compassionate people are preferred as compared to any highly intellectual fellow but who doesn’t have ethics or morality in thought.

My introspective aspect has made me philosophical and I see the Relative Truth in everything. I can’t therefore take a position – since I see many colours to the same manifested phenomenon. That way, I remain accommodating and accepting of people’s natures and try not to take it personally. My words, I am aware, have an impact on people – so they should be used carefully.

I have been in isolation for long. I have been observing, and I have seen how difficult it is to control thoughts or our state of mind. I have seen the connections our mind makes to outside events – I have seen how sorrow develops, pain engulfs and happiness blossoms. I have seen that things change and although we know the logical step to be taken, it is difficult for the mind to ‘leave’ an aspect of memory and move on. This makes me humble, since it is our mind that needs to be trained, NOT the outside events. Thus, we are on our own path of progress. People, situations, life – are all incidental, imbibed with meanings we create for our own sustenance. The effort is to create a good meaning – that raises our mind to a level that it sees the cosmos, and not to contract onto itself.

I see that we exist in duality and our mind keeps pouncing from one duality to another – and perhaps that is what causes movement of thought and so we experience change. To pursue a thought (or to reject a thought) has limitations – since it does not release us from Death neither it releases us from the inevitability of Action and Its consequence. This inevitability is the dilemma of existence – which only we humans can be made aware and I am now being aware of it. Sitting on this dilemma is the new question of what is to be done ‘next’? Seers talk about Nishkaam Karma – to Act without Expectation of the Fruit – like a selfless duty – like Devotion. I need to start on that path.

In today’s times, I am often faced with the question of why do I continue to entertain philosophical thoughts – in an age of quick fix it solutions and where people don’t have the time to even bat an eyelid. I do so, because it builds my perspective of understanding things – whether they fetch me returns and how much, needn’t be an issue here.

Students give me trouble and compel me to be patient. If one sees within their hearts, one realizes that they only reflect the tendency of the Times. It is with retrospection itself, that one can go to such far reaching depths and see things for what they are and without being affected by them. This is an arduous task – walking on nails or on pyre of fire. It is easy to fall onto temptations and give up. It is easy to feel dejected when no one around you seems to know the battle you alone seem to be fighting. There is no cause for your battle and there is no guarantee of the result or the change that you wish to bring. Yet you choose to do it, for it is to be done, for it is the only way that eventually will lead you to realize your best potential – which is being in command of your thoughts.

I am focused. I exercise minimum choices and try to make do with minimum personal resources. I realize that every manifestation/ product has a process that is also preceded by some thoughts/ values. Hence the intentions are required to be checked – for they create a reality. With this, comes a realization that one just can’t fool oneself. One thinks and the effect is done, you admit it or not. Ripples in consciousness is going to be made by your thoughts. Now choose the nature of those thoughts!

I go against the norm by slowing down. It’s a huge challenge. I feel things that people don’t. So I can contribute in creating feelings in an environment, where none existed before.

I choose my ground – whatever that ground is. And this need not be subjected to critique always. Certain things are inherited, others are formed by our tendencies and others we choose to modify or aspire to something new. Certain learned things are right – for they had lasted for centuries, for they talk of values and aren’t about you or me. Such things need not be trashed away. They have stood the test of time, so they can be believed in.

I choose to believe in fundamental values of sharing, connections, multiuse, multifunctional, human comfort, respect for Nature and the concern for the larger good. These seem to be disrespected by the world today and the toughest battle is going to hold our own ground made by these values. Being simple, hasn’t been so tough before!

I remain silent. I don’t believe that proving a point always is required, because things happen when they have to. One must continue to hold values. Proving one’s thoughts, in an age of fragmentation feels ridiculous. You may have a comprehensive thought, however you may find it difficult to find a person who can appreciate this! Thus the question – do you do work for being appreciated or should you do work since it is the right thing to be done? This becomes a lifelong quest. Silence gives enormous power of patience. It also teaches a lot of pain and hardship. It tells you a lot of nuances of human behavior. Silence makes you observe things closely and heals you if it is done effortlessly and without bringing the “I” inside. Silence gives clarity and calms your mind. In this decade I have passed through enormous pain, so terrible that it is beyond words to explain. Whom to share? Who can understand? Who can console? Who can encourage and show the way? Who can understand the pain behind the silence? The pain couldn’t be shared. The burden was mine. The burden had to be lifted till I felt I couldn’t do it any longer. I believe it was a phase. And it gives a picture regarding what is fundamental and what is ephemeral. One is required to maintain one’s posture regardless of the storm one faces. And trust oneself that one can weather the storm.

In knowing above things, there comes a time where I can’t share these learnings with people – who are engrossed in rush hour traffic. Thus, do I remain isolated? The question pops up – what is isolation? And does it have to do with our expectation regarding people understanding us or empathizing with us? Empathy is required intrinsically to sustain our belief in existence. What if I am not getting it from outside? The challenge – to realize that ‘we’ are filled with empathy and love and it is upto us to heal ourselves and people around us. Difficult road ahead!

To embrace the idea of God – as work, or a human or a situation or a thought or an action. Being fully immersed in action without a hint of expectation of returns.