I am what I am

In coming to existence and automatically entrusted with the situation of experiencing this reality, an individual may encounter a moment of awareness  - of the inner world of thoughts and the external world of events and their relationships. Every act of ours throughout our lives can be said as an expression of the relationship of the inner to the outside world and vice versa.

In this relationship, formed out of a finite body and mind, what gets created is the intellect and feelings that lead to the process of imagination – perception and conception. All social constructs and knowledge are the result of that. All labels, values, judgments, motives, intentions, projections come out of that. All observations, comparisons, inferences and testimonies are applied herein. And, if introspected, any kind of this relationship can be developed to give us a glimpse of consciousness.

I am afraid. What is this feeling of being afraid? Why does it exist? And what is it dependent on? Why do I feel unsettled from within? Why can’t I trust the validity of what is being done or said? Why do I feel that people are hiding something and are not being in touch with their deepest of thoughts? How am I to express my deepest thoughts to anyone and for what? Why do I crave acceptance? And is acceptance by others going to calm my unsettled feeling?

If I see my past from the beginning, I was dealing with this feeling of unsettlement of the mind. I was grasped with the urge to understand myself, my mind, my relationship with others. In the process, it has forced me to understand the nature of knowledge in research, in philosophy. I am drawn close to ideals, values, intellectual tendencies that are universal. I reject whatever is objectified, labeled, judged, competed for. The basic tendency of doubting has created an ocean of thoughts that deal with the idea of consciousness, mind and body.

This harbouring of doubt has revealed three aspects of existence –

Tendency – as a cosmic phenomenon to transform from the Formlessness to the Form and vice versa.

Acceptance  - of above cosmic tendency and therefore our role in it.

Intent – The purpose of action regardless of the fruit

All these define our existence. Any idea or a process or an act or a product that comes out of above modes of thinking becomes universal (as a source of inspiration). Thus, we (as space-time expressions or the manifested forms) are subject to space-time-causation effects. This is the realization we can come to provided we focus within ourselves. Any existential situation can act as a medium to help us decode this tendency. The basic requirement is one of concentration and looking within one’s self. This is what separates us or makes us more unique than the rest of life forms. WE however, differ, only in degree than the rest – not in absolute terms. Whatever divine stuff we are made of, so is everything around us. Whatever tendencies a particle is subjected to, so are everything around us (and including us), the scales and forms and rate of evolution being immaterial.

When I say focus, I am saying as a choice to see certain aspects in greater magnitude and ignore the rest. The mind can be made to focus on absolutely anything – from any part of body, to any level of thought to any level of consciousness to any abstract idea. It is a medium to know the reality. If the mind remains scattered or bogged down by situations or by the body, it cannot reach its own potential. It has to understand itself. One magnifies what one focuses on – it is natural thing to happen. Therefore, the importance to good actions, good thoughts etc. The mind works like a magnet to attract thoughts or several dimensions of consciousness and so may become the reality. This reality (the meaning to external events) is defined by us. It involves a lot of effort to accept this working of consciousness.

Whatever the world may turn out to be, it is important that time for introspection is set aside – for above ‘inward looking’ tendency to develop. The inward looking tendency will reveal the same thing – quality of formlessness and timelessness. People tend to get caught up in their routines to such an extent, that they just don’t question what they seem to be doing. Such a deterministic, bulldozing stand is dangerous, according to me. There is no remedy for this kind of ailment in people – the question of ‘why’ is to be generated by the self. Once generated, the question needs to be nurtured (and not dismissed or suppressed). Slowly, the question leads to more fundamental questions of existence, more difficult pathways and more effort required for their resolution. It is upto the individual to pursue these questions. Noone is forcing anything on anybody else. One takes up a question and goes ahead. Who are we to disapprove of anything? Because all of us seem to struggle with the understanding of what is really happening inside of us? The discovery is a self driven journey – nothing to be proved or advertised or confirmed.

How can this be applied in real practice? What is its importance? Importance lies in de-cluttering one’s thoughts to a fundamental level of existence. It also means to understand the phenomenon of thoughts and the ingredients that result in perception and conception. With this, the boundaries of separateness vanish altogether. What is it that we are identifying with? So long as we identify with some phenomenon (self, idea, body…anything), the path to evolution is not completed. And this may be the only intent of existing – work, relationships being the medium to walk the path.