catching the ghost

Time and again, I may keep getting the question regarding the relevance of philosophy and relevance of a direct experience and existence as a force/ vibration or an urge to engage with manifestation.

Is there an answer to this? Is the answer required? I am born with this question of self. If I look back and see my thoughts, I sense a feeling of incompleteness within me – how can actions or words as spoken by a person be so absolutely true? How to confirm to whatever one says? And why to keep evaluating myself based on what people say? This central question has been the foundation of seeking knowledge.

I have led too much importance to what people said and downplayed my own understanding. I kept on living to prove a point to people that what they might be thinking is not entirely true – it is just relative – this led to no arguments, for I understood that any position is valid and that I need to keep improving. I could accommodate any voice. What is there to prove anyway? If it is right, then it will stand the test of time. If it is not, you learnt your lesson and you can improve. Why do we take things personally? To take things personally, means to consider your position as unchangeable and representing the ultimate truth – which is of course not the case.

However, being accommodating doesn’t mean that my own incidental voice is required to be ignored. At any given point of time, one cannot know everything (and that is a fear if one is visualizing to prove something or be perfect for proving something or to prove that one is a good person…why should it be so burdensome?). The race for representing one’s self “best” and “unique” as compared to others is a tiring race and uncalled for.

In the quest for answering this internal turmoil, of silence, then of confusion, frustration, professionally and personally, I was led to my journey to Canada, wherein it revealed a global perspective of how we see ourselves and what does it mean to be a community, a nation – how thoughts get formed, why do they change, why are they relative and different positions of the world view with respect to how one chooses to see.

Later on, after returning, Prof. Dengle Sir’s observations used to keep me introspective about the role of the mind and the nature of thoughts till I came face to face with the terrain of the void/ consciousness – thoughts – process and product. Of course, personal/ family conditions contributed to this phenomenon as well.

If there’s anything to fear, it is regarding the fear of being alone – and that indicates attachment to thoughts. And then the inevitable happens – the inquiry of ‘attachment’. There is so much ‘noise’ (of self talk) that we continue to create and continue to remain attached with, that it is very hard to feel the true nature of consciousness – that a fullest potential of form can happen, only if we become aware of our own self.

I don’t wish to use any terms that convey objectification of anything – even of ideas or self. “I” is not an object to be valued or devalued or judged. “I” doesn’t represent any absolute world or a term. And “I” is not an initiator of any original action or a cause or a consequence. “I” is incidental (as a matter of expression of consciousness in a human form) and hence, our projected/ assumed/ believable realities are again – incidental to the reality of consciousness. At best, we can value that particular thought – a process that leads to refinement, expansion, accommodation, acceptance, empathy and universal principles and which leads us to see our own projections and help us to not place any value/ load/ burden on it.  And this quality of thought can be nurtured in any person at any point of time in any situation of age, gender, class, ethnicity etc. So a situation that one may call an external climate of place and time or an internal climate of social constructions (of age, gender, ethnicity, religion or whatever) needs to be realized as only an incidental drop in an ocean of consciousness.  This is what is required. In that sense, thoughts become impersonal and one becomes a medium to express the potential of a thought.

I don’t care the many obstacles of a “situation” that befall us. Situations are what they are. It is how one perceives and conceives the responses that make the strength of thought and character eventually. And it is not for being strong that one is doing this, but without that potential, no one will feel complete or satisfied. Whatever it is, we remain subjected to the phenomenon of expression/ engagement of consciousness in transactional world. Its a tendency of consciousness to express and connect or manifest in some form – harmful or beneficial. So who decides the content of form? Where and how do evil or good thoughts emerge? Where are they formed and embedded? Where are the seeds? The consciousness is the reservoir of all possible seeds that will manifest – we (the projection) need to decide which seeds are to be watered for growth. Seeds may be nurtured by the environment (external – by social dimensions flora/fauna or physical dimensions). Seeds may be nurtured by intellect, regardless or independent of the external environment. In other words, the ‘quality and content’ of vibration is a matter of concern here (“prana”). Force acting on Consciousness may result into a particular form of manifestation or a product. Hence, ‘we’ are a combination of consciousness, force and product. The force is a continuous medium through which, the consciousness tries to project Itself into the manifested world and force is also a medium through which, the consciousness is revealed to Itself and Force is also a path which dismantles the external form of all imaginations and takes the form back to consciousness.

So if you become angry – ask yourself ‘what’ is anger? It is a Force. The next question is ‘why’ do you feel angry? Are you becoming angry at a ‘person’ or a ‘situation’ or just angry at an ‘imaginary projection’ from the past or future? What are the triggers of anger – voice, sequence, expectation of output, time, gender, age and expectations, uncertainty, attachment to personal assumptions regarding ego (as an idea)? Then what is ego? Do you think that whatever you think is to be regarded as true and to be confirmed by all? Do you know all the factors? Do you think that you have thought of everything? And who is this ‘you’? Who? How is this ‘you’ created? Why does this ’you’ feel like expressing always and to prove a point? Why does it demand validation? Why? Why does it want acceptance? Who accepts whom? And why are we so obsessed with acceptance? Why do should we hoard things? Why should we articulate? What is time? What is present, past and future? What changes and why are we so affected by change? Can you see only the purity of thought without the extra vibrations imposed by ego, attachment, categorizations, labels, objects, etc.? Can you see your own baggage? Can you ‘see’ it?  Can you discard the baggage? Can you dismantle/ disentangle/ decode the baggage? Can you put down your clothes? The illusion of the baggage can be seen only if you put it aside and only if you observe the resultant internal conflict without getting attached to it. So, don’t hoard things. Renounce everything.  Discarding the baggage can happen only if you realize that your true identity is not the thoughts or the body. It is the Consciousness. And seeds are just the tendency.  

Why do you feel angry?

Why (nature of question)  - do (action) – you (imaginary ego) – feel (effect of sequence of thoughts based on many other thoughts) – angry (kind of a feeling)

Why (dismantling the lump) – do (action) – you (summation of the lump) – feel (process of creation of lump) – angry (result of the lump)

Why (review of connections) – do (action) – you (set of connections) – feel (fluidity and crystallization of connections) – angry (effect of connections)

Therefore – what is anger? How is anger formed? Who gets angry? When does one get angry?

Anger – thought and its constituents/ connections.

Connections formed in space and time (mind and body)

Perceptions and conceptions – senses, feelings, intellect, projections of ego, time, age, gender, urges, instincts, competition etc….(and so many other things)