Shree
Shree
How much are we going to consider
ourselves responsible for things not in our control? Responsibility comes with
the urge of controlling variables and that comes with the creation of ego from
vibrations formed in consciousness. “Vrutti” or vibrations are the crux of all
things that become, happen, experienced, changes and remain dependent.
In complex systems, currently it
seems, people do not meet, they do not wish to say or discuss anything or
initiate any change and come to a common value to be pursued. I get hyper about
how things can get refined and coordinated well enough into a seamless unified
output of a value or a feeling or a performance or a product or a realization. This
is a ‘compulsion’ I induce myself into perhaps, because I feel it is a must and
I remain unsatisfied, incomplete, and anxious with a feeling of loss if this is
not accomplished. So I remain on turmoil for things that are subleted always
thinking that they would happen in ways that are not in sync with the main aim
or a value. This can happen with work or with relationships or with space or
time or with people with whom I connect or perceive.
The inquiry is – can this be
responded in a better way? As more things continue to fragment with more
silence, less of public spirit and cluelessness about what people choose to be
engaged with; the feeling of loss or isolation may increase for me IF I continue
with the same expectation that everyone should sort and discuss things to “avoid”
clash.
The problem with this expectation
is why should “clash” be avoided and to keep thinking about how it can be
avoided. I need to be comfortable with the feeling of letting go of clashes and
they DO NOT mean that I was wrong or I need to be responsible for fragmentation
or its responses or effects on the environment. Of course this is not an excuse
to resign but there is a limit to what one can hope to do.
Further I need to concentrate on
those things that give me peace – maybe time, writing, painting, walking,
peace, trust in God and such things – little or big are immaterial. Maybe venting
out feelings in some way is important for me to happen – all do it in different
ways – I should find my way.
Why should I remain hyper about
existence? This is the crux. Why should space and time indicate something about
me? Why should they cause disturbance? Why should change be restricted in any
way?
I am what I am. Incomplete maybe.
Temporary maybe. But a part of the entire web of existence. Isolation is a
construct born from dependence. That requires to be decoded philosophically. Do
not run, do not compartmentalize, do not try to fix it. Do not pressurize yourself.
Regardless of “whatever” maybe
the perception or the nature of change, consciousness and the soul is always
there. Trust and harness that experience. Thoughts of any kind may come and go –
but I am above or beyond thoughts.
Hari Om.